The Gap

“Step 4) Loosen the lower alternator mounting bolt”

Got it.  No problem — I’ll just loosen the alternator mounting bolt and be cruising my way onto step 5 and healthy charging.  See, I’ve had intermittent charging problems with my Rabbit as of late, and I think it’s owed to the fact that my old V-belt had more missing teeth than Cletus The Slack Jawed Yokel.   So, turning to my trusty Bentley manual for 1980-1984 Volkswagen Rabbits, I read up on the simple 6-step method to remove one’s alternator and replace and tighten their V-belt.

So, Step 4, time to loosen that alternator mounting bolt.  Right.  Let’s just get on tha whaaaaa??  Do they mean the tiny hex that’s buried under a half inch of sludge, nested in the dark corners between the A/C Compressor and engine block?  The one that requires a human with seven-jointed fingers to access it?  Yeah, that’s the one.

Which brings me to the problem that, as a journeyman home mechanic, I’ve encountered numerous times since undertaking heavier duty projects (I know, belts are that “heavy duty”) — there’ s an education and literature gap that exists between feel-good books like “Automotive Repair for Dummies” and the erudite, elitist writing of the workshop manuals.  At a critical point in a person’s automotive education, they graduate beyond “Working on cars may seem scary but you can do it!” into a world of stuck parts, stripped screws, and bleeding knuckles, and there’s nowhere to turn.  Well, you could always take a gamble on the forums…

So, what are your options: 

Bentley Manual: “Loosen the alternator mounting bolt”

Dummies: “Alternators recharge your car’s battery.  If your battery is no longer holding a charge, and you’ve ruled out loose connections, bring your car to the local repair facility”

Forums: “bro are u sure you have the right altnernator because i worked on a westy rabbit once and it didnt have the york type AC compressor but the bracket was still lose.  u jsut need to get under the grommet but behind the washer and use a little force.  itll pop right off lol cheers mate.”

Toothless!

Eventually, I got the alternator off (or loose enough), the new belt on and tightened, and so far the charging is good.  I also replaced the rusted out ground strap with a big ol 4ga. steel strap, just in case.  A simple 6-step procedure  took me all day.  I’m dreading if I ever get to a serious, 22-step task in the manual that’s detailed in more than just a few simple sentences.

So what I’m saying is, won’t someone write a book that tells the home mechanic how to remove and install every nut and bolt of every component for every car ever made?

 

The Wrenching Menace

I am the person who perfectly exemplifies what professionals think of when they hear “home mechanic”.  A stubborn novice who thinks mechanics are a waste of money, who thinks there’s nothing you can’t do from home, and who ultimately renders his or her car completely incapacitated by means of a furious blow from a wrench.  The kind of person they would advise to “Please stop.  Take your car in before you kill somebody”. 

 

See – I was changing my oil (easy enough for a first timer), and caught up in the spirit and gusto of ‘gettin er done’, thought I’d double the man-wager and replace my fuel filter.  The fuel filter is a simple maintenance part that screws into either end of the fuel line and, well, filters your fuel.  In an uneducated and rushed manuever, I started wrenching the banjo bolts at either end of the fuel filter (banjo bolts are bolts with a hole in them to allow liquids to pass through the connection).   While one end came off fine, the other posed a considerable challenge to loosen.   The whole unit was moving under the torque of the wrench, and I couldn’t hold it still due to its cylindrical shape.

 

Quiz Time

 

Now let’s stop here and observe the below image.  Pretend the banjo bolt on the left-hand side is still connected to the fuel line.  Given the above predicament, which solution would you recommend?

Notice the dents and scratches…

A) Savagely beat the fuel filter with your wrench, eventually torquing so hard on the entire unit that you snap off the steel fuel line and break your car, or

B) Use a second wrench at the base of the connection in order to loosen the nut 

 

Oh man you mean it wasn’t A?  Are you sure?  Cause I chose A.  

 

As I mentioned, I am the perfect example of the terrible menace that is the home mechanic.  Though the answer was obvious, I opted for the ’absolutely no thinking’ method of solving the problem.  In fact, it still hadn’t occurred to me.  The next day I was explaining my predicament to an ex-mechanic friend of mine, and the first thing he asked was ”What, you didn’t just use a second wrench?”.  “Of course not!”, I said, “I think I would’ve noticed if there was a place to… ohhh”. 

 

40 bucks later and a part in the mail, I can reflect on this moment and try to learn from it.  I still believe it’s possible to do (almost) everything at home, but it’s going to require more brain power and patience than one thinks.  I suppose if everything could be solved by wrench beat-downs, professional mechanics wouldn’t have much of a business.

 

Cardboard: The new duct tape

I should open up an auto body shop.  Who needs welders when you’ve got cardboard to solve your automotive troubles!

Ever since I bought the GTI I’ve had this nasty exhaust rattle that drives me crazy.  My friend and I figured the exhaust pipe was shaking under WOT against the bottom of the rear bumper.  The clearance was like 1cm; a reasonable striking distance of exhaust shakage.

Problem was, the exhaust is suspended by a rubber hanger that’s fixed to two welded points; one on the frame, one on the muffler.  So I needed to make some space between the rubber hanger and the frame.  You can see here; that hanger is happily not letting go of those two hooks:

Enter Cardboard

So I devised (tore off) some little cardboard shims (folded cardboard) that I could insert between the welded hooks and the rubber hanger, thereby granting a tiny bit of clearance between muffler and bumper.  Yes, cardboard is flammable.  I know this.  But even while running hot, the area around the rubber hanger does not reach paper-burning temperatures.

Installation

If only all auto repairs were this easy.  I just pulled down the muffler, creating gaps between the hanger and hook, and slipped in the cardboard shims.  The tension on the rubber hanger holds the cardboard in place.

Before and After

It doesn’t look like much, but those extra couple millimeters have resolved my annoying muffler vibration.  Plus, the cardboard acts as a shock absorber and prevents excess travel into the bumper.  I can go full throttle, rattle-free.

Before

After

Work Complete

I estimate this job took me 13 minutes.  At Tim’s Auto Body, you would be charged for the full hour.

Agent Sea Foam

For those of us who feel guilty for not having the time or knowledge to actually fix our cars, we can find respite at Kragen with a shelf full of automotive panaceas in the form of fuel additives.  Most are advertised to restore lost power, improve fuel economy, and replace your burnt out tail light.  If you’re lucky, you’ll see some fat horsepower gains OMG!!  And although I’m a skeptic, I fall into that bracket of people who come home after a long day of work, give a guilty glance at their car, and go upstairs to play WoW.

So I bought some Sea Foam to treat my old 84 Rabbit GTI.  I’d like to think that Sea Foam was a cut above the other super serius race breed of fuel injector zaniness, if not for the bevy of supporting forum posts, then for the dire warnings on the back of the can.  Anything that says “Exhaust fumes will be extreme for a short period” has got my money. 

This can is all business

So I bought two cans and did the full treatment: First can went into the fuel tank after a fill up like any other additive — I didn’t notice much improvement after running a full tank of the stuff.  Second can was the more serious operation, with half of it going into my engine oil, and the other half going directly into my vacuum system.  The latter procedure was the most extreme, but actually provided a noticeable benefit.  Here’s the procedure:

Step 1: With vehicle running, find suitable vacuum hose that feeds into the intake manifold

Step 2: After transferring to a clean, clear container, use vacuum line to suck Sea Foam into the system

Step 3: Poison your neighborhood

Results

Yeah, so the Sea Foam guys weren’t lying — exhaust was extreme.  People in the neighborhood were perplexed (“his car is on fire and he’s taking pictures of it?”), so I quickly drove out of there.  While making my escape, I noticed some real improvements.

I’m trying to be objective here and avoid the common “effort in must equal reward” factor, but I really did notice improvement in engine smoothness and a more linear RPM “decay curve”.  Where normally the GTI would stutter a bit after shifting up and releasing the clutch, or takeup would be a little rough, the whole process goes down with less complaining. 

Conclusion

Unfortunately, the old VW doesn’t drive any faster.  But honestly, any 1% variance in horsepower is outside of my vague butt-dyno accuracy.  I still need to change the oil now that it’s been seafoamed, so it’s possible there are more long term benefits to be unlocked.

While it may not be the automotive panacea, the GTI generally runs better and complains less; I would recommend Sea Foam (especially the vacuum line treatment).  And more importantly, $9 at Kragen and an hour of my morning just bought me a couple weeks of guilt free WoW.

Pimp My Ride with Forza 3

Lucky me, my Mk1 GTI is one of the available cars in Forza 3.  Rendered to exact specifications and offering a pretty decent simulation of it’s driving physics, this is a great virtual template for cosmetic and performance changes.  Since right now I’m riding on ugly steel wheels, I thought I’d get some ideas on potential wheel/suspension setups.

Here's the GTI on some 14" full face wheels

GTI on some 15s -- I like the color and style but the bigger wheels make the stock ride height extra noticeable

Fixed with "sport" lowering springs, providing a 1.8 inch drop. I like this look.

And the glamour shot. If only swapping components was this easy.

 

Oh daaaamn.... rollin on 18s, son!